.estheliol.lle.+.estheliol.amin.

2010-12-29T02:07:00.000+08:00

So.. is this the end of it all?

2010-12-16T10:39:00.001+08:00

Im not sure if im doing the right thing... But i pray, with all my heart, that I'm making the right decision..and that I'm not going to regret this in the future..

2010-12-15T01:27:00.001+08:00

Why didn't i feel anything at all?

2010-12-15T00:03:00.002+08:00

How can you call me irresponsible when i was forced by such circumstances?

I had to miss a camp that I've been wanting to go to for YEARS because i had to deal with an emergency. I didn't ask for it. Think about it, i paid $100 for this, waited forever for this.. do you honestly think i would have missed it for any random reason?

I had to deal with this emergency that includes TWO YOUNG LITTLE GIRLS. Their parents have to leave immediately and couldnt take the girls along. How could I have rejected helping them, leaving the young girls to fend for themselves while i go enjoy myself in a camp?

I've asked around, and they said honestly it was mostly just fun and they did well without me anyway. I was not a crucial character in the camp, but i was the only one who could have helped out with the family. Isn't it more irresponsible if i go off to have fun on my own? I can't betray my conscience just like that. I can't have fun in peace knowing that i could have helped out at somewhere else which needed my help more urgently.

I didnt gain anything from this. I was slogging my guts out, doing long hours tending to the girls while the others enjoyed themselves so thoroughly during the camp. Do you think i felt good about it?

How can you judge me like that?

2010-12-06T23:50:00.002+08:00

I've been soooooo busy with work but i've never been happier, really! :D

All my days are so severely packed with work but i don't mind any of it! I used to always have the thought of wanting to skip working because i refuse to wake up early but after working at Pillows & Toast, i really don't have such ideas anymore. :D

I love the place so much that i always return even when it's not my turn to work. :p the guests there are all SOOOOO nice! I even received some cards and presents from them! (:

Gonna sleep because it's my turn for morning shift tomorrow!

2010-11-27T00:32:00.002+08:00

Science Centre with Eloise and Agathe was so so so amazing! The girls were so excited by all the things but still remained so well-behaved! I'm getting a really good hang of this job and everytime i really look forward to go and meet the girls. (:

My working days has extended so i'm working one extra day, but i'm not grumbling! For one, i get extra money and secondly, i really really love spending time with the two girls. They can really get on my nerves sometimes especially when they try to test my limits by pushing all the buttons, but really, they're such angels most of the time. I really love how they'll cuddle close and give hugs when they're happy. (: This job gives me such satisfaction all the time. (:

OH and working at Pillows & Toast is really such a once in a lifetime experience! I get such crazy shifts and such crazy things happening during my shift but i still love the job so much. I really look forward to going there for work! Sometimes i even wish i was working longer hours. (:

I used to whine and grumble about having to get up early to work but now it's so different for me. I am so satisfied with my current jobs that even if it means waking up at 5am, i'd gladly do it. (: Some of the days i even work 7am to 7pm and I'll get so tired that i'll even fall asleep while STANDING in the train but that job satisfaction is something i'll never give up. (:

I really dont know how long i can continue working there since i have plans for further studies but i know i will miss that two places so so so badly. :(

Wish i can post photographs of those 2 baby angels but i dont think it's appropriate..

Love my life now. (:

2010-11-23T00:15:00.000+08:00

We are actually very alike.

2010-11-19T00:45:00.001+08:00

Oops. Spelt Tommi's name as Thommy in the previous entry. Haha.

It's been a lot of work these few days and i've been going out a lot with the guests from the hostel too. I realised i havent been meeting Darling very often recently. :(

Tomorrow's another day at work and then i'll have to rush down to the G7 Campfire! :D Let's hope all things go well tomorrow! (:

2010-11-16T09:15:00.002+08:00

Blogging now from Pillows & Toast! It's pretty quiet and lazy morning so i can still take my time to surf around a bit.. But i guess i'm stopping soon. I don't really like to use the computers to do my own stuff while at work. Maybe i'll just start doing the manuals when i'm done with this post.

It was only my first day of work yesterday and i love it already! The system is not too hard to understand and everyone here are so kind, understanding, friendly and just... AWESOME. I interacted so much with them and yesterday i went drinking with Sami and his friend. :D

I was told that it was supposed to be a bigger group but i guess the rest couldn't make it. Well they pretty much taught me the Finnish way of drinking and we exchanged stories about our cultures, experiences etc. Both of them are divemasters and well... i don't even know how to swim.

Thommy and Sami were really nice and we forgot the time while we were chatting by the river side. We may be heading up to the Sky Park at MBS together and maybe even planning an overseas trip to Bangkok! Well at least Thommy agrees to go with me. haha. I went home sluggish and full of beer and the beer was wrecking havoc in my stomach. It still is now but not something intolerable.

Working over here is an awesome lot of fun. :D The pay is not fantastic, but it's the company that matters. I love my bosses, my colleagues (though i've only met one so far) and all the guests staying here. :D We're still pretty new (only opened last Friday!) but we've received so many compliments already! :D GREAT PLACE

2010-11-15T00:02:00.001+08:00

I miss the girls already. :(

On the other hand... starting my other part-time job! :D I'll be kept so super busy working at 2 different places but i guess it's better than bumming around at home. Super flexible hours for the second job though so i still have time for my personal activities! :D i hope things go well! :D

SAVING UP WOOOT

2010-11-14T00:22:00.002+08:00

So concludes my first week of babysitting.

IT WAS AWESOME. WONDERFUL. I've never felt so much joy during work before! Those hours of interaction with the girls bring so much joy to me. It could be simple times like sitting by the poolside and playing with bubbles, running about for a random exploration in the condo or splashing about in the water during the swimming times.. it really feels like quality time with them. (:

I can't wait to bring them on picnics and discovery trips! I think it's really cool of their parents to allow me to bring them exploring around Singapore. I love their way of parenting because it's pretty much everything i've learnt in Early Childhood! I don't ever have to be confined to the rigid ways some of the childcare centres stubbornly hold on to. With them, i get to practise what i preach.. and i get to do exactly what i believe in. (:

They taught me how to count from 1 to 5 in French and i've taught them Mandarin in return! :D More learning to come! :D

Those girls are really such angels. (:

2010-11-09T02:02:00.003+08:00

My heart was brutally smashed, crushed to smithereens. This was.. such an insane blow. It's never going to recover. This utter, blatant form of betrayal... it stabbed so deep into my heart.

It's never going to be the same again. How am i going to trust again? How am i going to bring myself to do it again? I can't. I can't when the evidence placed so brutally before my eyes.

Those mails.. everytime i read them it just rips my heart open over and over again. I can't. I don't even know what to trust anymore.

2010-11-07T16:49:00.001+08:00

Ma just called and asked if i was out celebrating my birthday with Darling..

2010-11-04T01:01:00.002+08:00

Signed up for a few more dance classes! :D

And Minghan's mom asked if i would like to join the dance crew she manages.. Training sounds tough, but what's dance without tough trainings right? I'm just afraid because they mostly do traditional dances/ballroom dances and i only have background in girls' hiphop/reggae/street jazz, none in ballroom dancing. I think i'll look like a total klutz when i first start, but let's hope i get better.

He mentioned that she's going to throw me into performances the moment i join because that's how she does things. I think i'll freak out. o.o I'm really quite afraid to join a dance crew especially when most of them are experienced/skilled and i'm like.....a beginner. But i'm really really interested in trying out different forms of dances so i guess i'll join afterall. I hope things go well. haha.

2010-11-03T17:52:00.002+08:00

I was discussing with Lynn and we came to the topic of getting roses for special occasions..

I LOVE flowers and i love getting flowers for gifts. But flowers wither and no matter how much i want to keep me, my mom tosses them away when I'm not home. -.- It sucks, but she says they attract ants etc and then they will start to rot off...blahblah.

So i thought i'll prefer the idea of getting handmade roses instead! These handmade roses are much cheaper than those bouquets sold at the florists.. and well, they may not turn out that nice all the time too. But really, i think the effort means a lot more. I've always loved receiving handmade stuff and even if they may not be done perfectly, i think they matter so much more than expensive gifts. Rather than receiving soft toys, i would very much rather receive hand written cards, handmade cards etc.. And rather than receiving really flowers, i would very much rather get a bouquet of handmade roses. (: It just goes to show that the person is willing to spend the time and effort making it for you right? (:

2010-11-03T02:32:00.003+08:00

So many warning signs and doubts.. and the worst? The female's instincts to sense something amiss. Am i too paranoid? Am i thinking too much? Should i just sit and wait and pray that I'm thinking too much, or should i confront the issue with no concrete evidence?

If i just sit and wait.. would it allow the issue to escalate?

Why am i so insecure and paranoid?

2010-11-02T02:31:00.002+08:00

the Stars Projector! :D

I really really love admiring the night sky but there's hardly any stars to see in Singapore. Darling said that getting a stars projector is retarded.. but i just think it'll be ultra romantic to have that in a completely dark room. I would sit there for hours just staring into nothing. hahah!

I've always loved surprises. And i love surprises that involves romantic stuff like... balloons, pastel colours, snow, stars etc.

But well, i guess it only happens in television shows. I watch too much TV. LOL.

2010-11-02T00:25:00.002+08:00

I'm starting my babysitting job on 10th November! :D

I met up with the rest of the family last Friday.. The two girls are absolutely adorable! :D They became rather attached to me almost immediately and was busy pulling me around to show me around the house.. The house is so beautiful i don't even know where to start! It's going to be hard getting around though, since it's rather far in from the main road... but i love the quiet environment. I love the little garden in front of the house.. I love the combination of grey/white and the abundance of windows around the house..

Well i was told that it was a condo, but i think it's more of like a terrace house with condominium facilities. The mom is super friendly! I met up with her at her workplace and took a cab down back to her place to meet the girls. Along the way, we talked alot about so many different things and I'm really relieved that she's someone so approachable and friendly, just like her husband! I felt comfortable with her immediately. (:

I received an email from her and was told i can start work on the 10th.. I already knew my first French word! Don't know how to spell it though.. hahah! It's like some kind of exchange - i'll teach them Mandarin and they'll teach me French. I have such a good feeling about this job already and i can't wait to start, really. (:

Even though the babysitting job earns me rather decent pay, i decided that i couldn't simply idle around for the other 4 days of the week. I'm working in a backpackers' inn too! :D It has really flexible shifts and since i'm such a night owl, i'm mostly working night shifts (2300h - 0700h) or the really early ones (0700h to 1500h) so i have the day to spend with my friends etc. (:

I really love these two job options because they allow me to spend my schedule much more wisely with their flexible/minimum working hours. PLUS, the pay's really attractive too. :D It'll be a good time for me to save up as well.. (: Overseas trips next year! (:

My birthday's coming in a week! :D

2010-10-31T23:11:00.003+08:00

Minghan was mourning/moaning over my previous entry regarding my birthday celebration......

HAHAHAH IM SO SORRY, BEST BUDDDDDDDDDDDD.

To give credit to Minghan, he took care of me really well when Wenhao was out at sea. Well, kind of forced to take care of me because Wenhao 'assigned' him to me. HAHA. He also planned an absolutely awesome birthday surprise for me last year.. he specially woke up really really early, met up with the rest, took a cab down to my place, lugged that huge Anduril to my place and popped it as a surprise to me. :D :D :D I was really really touched, so don't say i didn't appreciate your effort okay! :D I'm so sorry for not creditting you, Minghan. HAHA!

SO YES, i can't really say that i've not had any birthday surprises before. :D

2010-10-29T02:06:00.003+08:00

So i've decided to abandon all the other jobs and plunge straight into babysitting. I'll be babysitting two French girls, 6 and 7 years old from Wednesdays to Fridays. The hours aren't long and during my interview with their father, he told me that they don't watch the TV or play video games...which is an extremely huge relief for me.

I get bored out easily while watching the TV or watching kids play the computer games.. So i was thrilled when he told me that the kids prefer hands-on activities more. My mind was immediately filled up with all the fun activities i could do with them - ice-cream making, baking, art&craft etc... Then he broke even greater news to me... I can bring them out for trips! :D :D

He said i can bring them out to the Zoo, Jurong Bird Park, Museums and any other fun and interesting things i can think of! Immediately i thought of kite-flying, picnicking, sight-seeing, going to the beach etc.. This job is going to be awesome. (:

Well i'm just slightly worried about my meeting with the mom and the girls tomorrow.. I wonder what i can do to break the ice and make them look forward to me babysitting them.. I've already thought of all the things i can do with them, all the ways how i can cultivate good habits in them, how i can make them more familiar with the areas of Singapore.. I get the chills (the good kind, haha) just by thinking about all the options! :D

The pay's extremely good compared to all the other babysitting offers; I'll be paid $25/hr compared to the usual $10/hr that others offer.. And this is really the kind of job i'll love to have.. I'll get to interact with kids, i do not need to follow any curriculum, and i won't have to answer to any supervisors/government bodies etc but of course i'll have to answer to the parents. The parents seemed really easy-going though and they're more for the idea of hands-on experiences for their children rather than the usual worksheets/"Don't let them go to the sand! So dirty!"

Well other than having wonderful parents to report back to, no curriculum to follow, short hours, i'll only have to work 3 days a week! I still get to go for my dance classes, get to go out with friends, participating in Guiding and Scouting activities! :D I really hope this job will be awesome. :D

2010-10-27T00:52:00.003+08:00

My birthday's coming in less than 2 weeks!

On the train to work today, i was wondering how i would celebrate my birthday this year.. I couldn't really think of anything special actually.. Just thought I'll love to have my family, friends, boyfriend around with me.. haha.

Maybe just a simple outing.. like going Marina Barrage for kite-flying! Or hang out with some of my closest girlfriends and have a mini photo-taking session in some of the weirdest places.. Like the Punggol Lalang field! I'll love to go there.. And then there's this really beautiful place that i would want to bring them to too, but it's nearly impossible to access without a car. It'll be such a great girlie time, lugging along all the funny accessories, doing all the weirdest poses without having to be under the judging eyes of guys. We all love beautiful photographs, don't we? (: I think that would be a really great idea for girls.. (:

Speaking of kite-flying.. i'll really really really love to do it! :D Have a little picnic and my friends around.. And then when we get tired from all the running about, we'll just sit and admire all the bubbles from my bubble guns etc. Then we'll talk about everything and anything under the sun. That would be awesome too. (:

I love birthday cakes! And here are some that i'll really love to have:

1) Alize's Strawberry Cheesecake with Dark Chocolate Crust! I've been ordering cakes from her for the longest time and i absolutely adore her cakes (and her, she's so pretty!) (:

2) Carousel's giant Raspberry Macaroon cake! I'LL LOVE THIS. THIS IS PLAIN AWESOME. MACAROONS = <3

3) Ritz Apple Strudels! or the Heart-Shaped Strawberry Strudel! Super pretty (:

4) Beautiful beautiful fondant cakes/cupcakes! :D :D :D They may not taste that great..but omg they're super pretty!

5) I WANT A RAINBOW CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well i don't really have such a sweet tooth.. i prefer long-tasting or fruit cakes actually. And i really really hate cream. Those cakes that i've listed above are really really awesome. :D Except for the last 2 though, they're more of pretty than delicious... =x

I did think about presents though, and realised that i dont expect anyone to give me presents. Those that i'm going to list are actually those that i intend to save up and buy. :D

1) A polariod camera! I've been searching for the Tazmanian one for the longest time but because it's phased out, it is super duper rare! But i really really love it. :( I really love the Holga TM135! The cutest holga ever! :D

2) the "Listography" album in Woodwould! Love those! :D

3) I NEED NEW EARPIECES. BADLY. but i want really good ones. Eytomotics seems like a pretty good brand.. and Monster Earpieces are just so pretty! :D Shure ones worked pretty good for me previously too so i don't exactly know which one to choose...

4) Miss Dior Cherie - Blooming Bouquet! Love the scent. (: I spilled my previous bottle and was really upset about it. :(

5) Crabtree & Evelyn's Rose Bath and Shower Gel! I love love love the lightly-scented shower gel but i'm running out of it! My mom got it during some gift exchange and i claimed it as my own. =x Since i'm running out of it, i decided to go check out the price and decide if i'm going to buy another bottle.. to my horror, it's S$30 for a a 250ml bottle! Now i regret not using it wisely. :(

Eh actually i really can't think of anything else actually... I'm a sucker for cutesy stuff, preferably handmade. I love beautiful little fabric pouches, i'm a sucker for polka dots, checks, pastel colours especially. I love love love loveeeee pouches in the form of animals. And i love those shorts, round stuffs. REALLY CUTE. I'm also a sucker for musical boxes, snowglobes (OMG I JUST SAW A STITCH SNOWGLOBE BUT FOR 99.90 :(), cute/vintage wooden storage boxes, lunchboxes and especially lunch tins! Mostly unusual or cutesy stuff that people do not like.. lol.

AND I LOVE BUBBLE GUNS. I NEED GOOD BUBBLE GUNS. :D :D :D :D

Well, a lot of girls my age probably do not like those stuff anymore.. but at least that's good right? At least i don't need to be satisfied with branded handbags etc.. Well actually for my birthday, i really just need people around me.. I don't need them to spend a bomb. They don't need to give me any presents actually.. Handwritten cards would be beautiful. I've always wanted a handwritten card with photographs etc. I would really really love that..

Well, i haven't had big birthday celebrations before.. No major surprises, none of those beautiful helium balloons, cute princess tiaras etc that i always get for people.. It's a little saddening when i think about it, but well, i suppose i should be glad if anyone wants to celebrate with me at all. (:

2010-10-23T02:20:00.002+08:00

Just this once.. I want to thank God, or whichever Greater Being out there, for bringing you to me because i know such a miracle like you could never have been achieved by my own efforts.

Thank you for being so wonderful, for being there, for being appreciative, for fighting for our love, for just being who you are.

2010-10-04T04:09:00.002+08:00

5 days and 4 nights of K.L with Darling was really an awesome trip. (:

We planned a brief itinerary and spent every single day carefully, making sure not to waste any time etc. We woke up early every day, go down to the street for really lipsmacking breakfast and travelled around pretty much. I just think we havent got to know the place well enough so we were rather afraid to travel.. I also think we spent too much time at the malls - we bought nothing and we were really not interested in shopping, seriously.

But the food there was awesome! I'll never have the same benchmark for food again. We ate the best wanton mee EVER in Chinatown. Even the stall that's rated second is still better by a mile than any i've eaten in Singapore. And trust me, i've tried a lot of stalls' wanton mee because I'm such a wanton mee fan.

And then we met up with Brandon! :D It was great that they hit off well. :D We had Krispy Kreme donuts and then we headed off to Jalan Alor for the best seafood i've ever eaten! The total damage was RM232 but we had salted egg fried crabs, grilled fish, Portuguese stingray, satay, stir fried lala, tofu, stirfried veggies and I packed 20 chicken wings for my family! That's including drinks too and we had probably 6 cups of drinks? We didn't have any rice at all so finishing all that food was pretty much a breeze especially with Darling around. AND THOSE DISHES WERE ALL SUPERB. Thinking about them now just makes me want to go back again soon. :D

I finally had the chance to bring him to meet some of my Malaysian relatives and he hit off pretty well with them too and I'm really glad for that. (: We even had the chance to go up to Genting together! :D

Thinking about the times back in K.L makes me want to go back immediately. Those 5 days were so carefree and we were beside each other 24/7 and i really really treasure all the time we had together. I'll upload photos soon! :D

Darling's starting school in 2 weeks and then I'll be dedicating my time to work too.. We'll have much lesser time to spend with each other.. :( Maybe we can start saving up for another overseas trip after he graduates? :D

2010-09-28T21:23:00.000+08:00

KL WITH DARLING WAS AWESOME.

2010-09-21T00:28:00.003+08:00

This song reminds us of you..

You're the only person i've turned so harsh against.. and I may have the nastiest words against you.. But humans all yearn for reconciliation, don't they? If i could, i wish all these has never happened and we were still the bestest of friends. I miss all the times we had together, all the ridiculous/funny moments and stuff like that. I can't go to places like Mind Cafe, Kbox without thinking of you..

Remember Lao Po by S.H.E? Remember how you said that was dedicated to us? Remember how we hugged together and smiled so widely when we were singing this song?

I wished our friendship was stronger than that.. But you're no longer here. We could never go back to those times anymore..can we? I miss you, my friend. Despite all that has happened.. i really miss you..

2010-09-19T01:39:00.000+08:00

Life's unpredictable like that.

2010-09-17T05:21:00.002+08:00

We're heading overseas afterall. No more Genting, but we'll be going over to Genting for 5 days and 4 nights.. Travelling and accomodation now is pretty cheap and after much research (by only ME of course, my IT noob of a boyfriend depends on me all the time to do things like that, lol), we've settled for a budget hotel in the heart of Petaling Street in Kuala Lumpur!

Well, a budget hotel isn't exactly what you'll want for a romantic getaway but if we were to be more practical.. we'll be spending most of the time outside and only coming back to sleep for the night. Doesn't make sense to spend so much money righttt? We would (HE would) very much rather spend the money on food/shopping etc. That'll be much more worth it. :D

Of course i made sure reviews are pretty good for that particular hotel and that there are no bed bugs/no creepy crawlies/weird happenings etc and it's right smack in the centre of K.L's Chinatown! We'll wake up to the bustling market with loads and loads of amazing street fare! And for someone like Darling, what's better than that, honestly? HAHA.

K.L next week! (:

Rest in peace, Ah Ma..

2010-09-14T15:23:00.003+08:00

I wish i had done more..

Had it meant something when she cried and hugged us tight everytime we were leaving after a visit?
Had she mentioned anything that hinted it during my visits to her?
Could things had been different if we had shown more concern; if i had visited her more often when Darling was away?

I hadn't been extremely close to her.. but Darling's Ah Ma had always treated me with kindness.. I remember holding her hands tight everytime i sit down beside her and how she used to always comment on how smooth my hands were compared to her aged ones, and i would tell her that her hands were hands of wisdom that only came with age. I'll never forget how you used to smile telling me about how Wenhao used to be like when he was young.. I'll never forget how she sounded over the phone during the phone calls i made to her, how she told me to visit her more often.. I'll never forget how she always talk about wanting to see us both marry.. I know i could have done more. Maybe hug her tighter each time i was leaving.. Maybe talk to her more.. Maybe visit her more often.. I may not be obliged to do so, but i've always wanted to and now i know it's all too late..

I may not have known you as well as Wenhao did, but you've always treated me as if i was a part of the family.. I've only known you for 3 years, but i know the dedication you have for the family because Wenhao speaks so highly of you all the time. And i know you've passed on knowing that Wenhao loves you very very very much..

I know you're now at the same place where my father is and i know that's a good place to be in. You'll be fine there.. Rest in peace, Ah Ma..

2010-08-28T23:46:00.002+08:00

I hate it when things fall apart. When people become different..when things start to change and complications come along. I think how beautiful friendships can be destroyed so easily. I hate it. I hate it when i can't do anything about it.

2010-08-23T12:17:00.000+08:00

Sis and I are signing up for another dance class together! :D

That is if her busy work schedule allows. :( But I'm looking forward to more classes weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

2010-08-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

I miss you, my friend. I really do.

2010-08-16T01:44:00.000+08:00

WANT TO TAKE MORE CLASSES.

Once a week is not enough anymore. :(

Gonna sign up for more! :D

2010-08-16T01:08:00.002+08:00

5 months left.

Has a month even passed by yet?

Must control. Don't do anything. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

2010-08-14T08:15:00.003+08:00

Very tired. :( I need sleeppppp, I've been having disturbed nights and i keep waking up at unearthly hours. This results in me falling asleep superrrrrrr fast especially in buses/trains etc. Darling was so shocked at how fast i fell asleep when i leaned against his shoulder. He said it was almost immediate.

:(

I need to change my sleeping habits soon. My body clock is screwed and affecting my skin condition really bad. I desperately need to adjust it back. :(

GONNA SLEEP EARLY TONIGHT.

Okay going down to HQ now to help Chow Wee out with the SWA booth! :D

2010-08-13T01:36:00.000+08:00

(: Things will get better. They will. They always do. (:

2010-08-13T01:13:00.004+08:00

If you mean the best for someone, you will not stop what you're doing for that person's own good, even if it means having to suffer in silence and having to bear the burden of shame on your own.

Yes i strongly believe in that.

And I also think that if you genuinely love or care for a person, it doesn't matter even if your actions go unnoticed. Even if it means doing something for that particular person without that person realising it. Isn't this unconditional love? Being willing to give up so much, being willing to suffer in silence and being willing to just about do anything for him?
Not everyone can do that though. Many crave for appreciation and wouldn't want to do anything without something in return..

That's when I realise how noble parents are. They are the ones willing to go through all these without much complaints. I really really despise people who do not appreciate their parents.

2010-08-13T01:13:00.001+08:00

Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I cant fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

Its a quarter after one, Im all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call, but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, cant stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

Its a quarter after one, Im a little drunk,
And I need you now.
Said I wouldnt call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.

Yes Id rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
Its a quarter after one, Im all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldnt call but Im a little drunk and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

2010-08-07T02:02:00.001+08:00

MUST CONTROL. DO NOT FALL INTO TEMPTATION.

MUST CONTROL.

YES I CAN.

2010-08-05T02:22:00.000+08:00

I need to learn to let go.

2010-08-03T01:12:00.004+08:00

I don't need luxury.

There are so many things that i want in life.. but many of these I don't NEED, especially material wants. I love all things beautiful and i'm happy just looking at them. I don't need to possess them, like spend thousands of dollars on bags/clothes/accessories etc. I like looking at beautiful girls and what they wear just because they look absolutely beautiful. I don't need to have what they have because I can't carry off the looks anyway.

I just want a simple, peaceful and happy life. Where my family, friends and all loved ones are safe and healthy.. I'll get a humble job, earn a humble salary.. Start a family with someone i love, someone who loves me for who i am, someone who loves me even though I'm not beautiful, not perfect, but thinks that I've made his life perfect just by being together with me. I'll want beautiful and healthy kids. I'll love them unconditionally. I'll want to watch them grow up, watch them fall but stand up again with pride, share their joy their pain, watch them graduate while i drop tears of pride and i'll watch them have beautiful kids of their own.

I don't need cars or big houses. I just need my family to be safe. I want to be a good wife, a good housewife.. someone who does housework and actually enjoys doing it, someone who stays faithful to her husband and supports her husband wholeheartedly in whatever he does or wants to pursue.. I want to be there at home to welcome him home, to give him a back massage after a tiring day of work and let him come back home to a warm, nice homecooked dinner. I want to be someone who's there to listen to his woes, someone who's there to comfort him and not someone who adds on to his burdens with unnecessary spendings/complaints/petty quarrels etc.

2010-08-03T01:12:00.001+08:00

I don't know what it is that i miss.

2010-07-27T22:32:00.002+08:00

Ahhhhh of course. Of course you don't need us. You don't EVER need anyone right? That's how you are like. Everytime you do something wrong you point the finger at everyone else but yourself. The blame is always on others, never on you, right? You never once stop to bloody reflect upon your own actions. You only know how to pretend that it's affecting you. You only pretend and try to act pitiful and act as if you're the innocent party. Well, you said that someone once told you not to live your life for others...and I can't believe you're stupid enough to just take it as it is.

One simple example: Can a drug addict say that he doesn't have to live his life for others and just continue his drug habits? No he can't, because he's affecting all the people who cares about him.

You can't just take every single shit literally. Apply it to your own context. We tried to help you change your stupid attitude so that you can perhaps survive better in the society but you're extremely ungrateful.

Sure, you don't have to live your life for others. But think about this: Why are you so lonely now? Why have so many people left you? If it's only one single individual who has an issue with you, you can probably ignore that. But think about how many people thinks the same way of you. Instead of thinking that it's time to change, you just behave like "Oh well, i do whatever i want. I do whatever i like because i don't live my life for others."

When people offer constructive criticisms, you just brush everything away. Ahhhh of course, you're the prettiest, the smartest, the best in the whole wide world right? Of course you don't need any criticisms right.

Think about why this has become so sour.
Think about how you treated us when you were the one who refused to contribute properly, refused to do any work, or just simply handed up shitty work because you just can't be bothered about putting in the effort. We had to share our marks with you and we still had to handle this shit? Think about how much i've helped out in your assignments. Sorry to say this...but let's be honest. Without us helping to pull your grades up in projects, would you have only failed one module? Touch your heart and ask yourself. Yes, I feel absolutely fucked up about this whole issue because not only did you NOT apologise for all the shit/problems/extra work you made us do, you acted as if we owe you a living.

You're so self-obsessed, so filled with self-love that you only think about yourself all the time. You talked about how you think your mom didn't behave like how a mom should, but think about how you treated your own family. You simply toss anyone away once you get upset with them. You don't even bother trying to make up for your wrong-doings or try to solve the issue. You just go... "Oh well, let her go. I don't live my life for others. I don't need you." Sooner or later, everyone's just going to let you go one by one.

Some really kind people may try their best to put up with you. I used to do that. But i woke up. I realised how stupid of me to have to LIVE MY LIFE FOR YOU. Well, at least i tried my best. I tried until you dropped the ultimate bomb on me. But you? You don't bother trying at all. You just toss people away like they're rubbish. You don't bother treasuring them at all. Well, if you still have the little bit of common sense that i think you have, bloody use your brain to think about everything. Honestly speaking though, i don't think you will. You're still stuck in your little own world.

Seriously... you don't need us? We don't need you either. Hell, we don't even want you at all. I tried forgiving you. I probably already did, at one point or another. I was even CONCERNED about you. GENUINELY CONCERNED. Not just checking up on you to laugh on you, but actually checking to see if you were dealing well, if you were alright. But you, you just had to go and bullshit all over again like you're some princess.

You don't live your life for others? How about you think it in this way..... Others don't need to live their lives for you too so fucking stop acting like a bitch.

2010-07-26T01:43:00.002+08:00

It's been really long since i've blogged about ANYTHING.

I've so many things to talk about.. my Taiwan trip (first ever holiday!), Project Orion II (i was away for 2 weeks!), 50th Anniversary dinner, Darling's return, meetups etc. SOOOOOOO many things to write about and I feel lazy just thinking about it.

Anyway, i've booked a Genting trip with Darling, Joey and Yi Guang! It'll be in September and I hope it'll be great, even though there's probably nothing much in Genting. :D

Ahhhhhhhhh i'm so used to Tumblr that I'm not really doing Blogger well. haha!

2010-07-12T07:45:00.002+08:00

I'm suffering from severe Orion withdrawal symptoms! :(

I woke up at 0700h instinctively yesterday, only to realise that I can't cycle to Kak Tar's place for delicious breakfast anymore. :(

I miss the beautiful place, the innocent kids, the Pewanis, River, Nurul, Shila, the WWF interns, the Pink House...everything. I miss everything about Project Orion II, including all my wonderful team mates who took really great care of me. I really really miss that place so much that no words can describe how I really feel. I really want to go back..like NOW. :(

2010-06-19T03:24:00.002+08:00

Dear all...

Im heading off to Taiwan in another 2 days! :D Tomorrow will be a extremely busy day and i'll spend it running around for some last minute shopping for Terangganu before I head off to Taiwan.

For Sunday, it'll be a full day of work from 0900h to 0000h. That's a crazy 15hours! My flight would be at 1200h on Monday. What a mad rush.

Speaking of which, tomorrow I have to collect my spree items, go to Ikea with Calvin to get the souvenir materials, head down to Beach Road to grab some items and then off to Bugis to buy some comfy pants for the trip. I also need to grab some stuff for the 3D2N trip to Redang! :D

And i'll have to pack 2 luggages! Luckily the 2 trips are of different nature and I can pack my Terangganu luggage tomorrow since I wouldn't have time to pack it when i get back. Ahhhhh

NEED TO GO SLEEP.

2010-06-16T02:11:00.000+08:00

TAKING ORDERS FOR MY TAIWAN SPREE. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

HAHAHAHA.

2010-06-16T01:01:00.002+08:00

My mom made delicious dumplings! :D

I've always loved the food that Mom cooks because she's such an expert at everything. She started cooking at a tender age of 9 because my Grandma wanted to train her since young. She was the eldest in the family and she had to take care of the entire family. That included doing all of the housework and all the cooking.

Doing housework last time wasn't as easy as it is now. They didn't have fanciful gadgets like the washing machine or the usual mop etc. In the big wooden house, my mom had to mop the floor with a cloth, sweep, clean the toilets etc. It also included feeding the chickens, taking care of the backyard garden, washing dishes, washing clothes BY HAND etc. She also had to prepare food for her younger siblings..

My mom is really really awesome. She grew up in a small little kampong in Malaysia so life was really much tougher... But look at how much of a good housewife she is now. We hardly get to see that in the women of this generation.. Mummy's such an inspiration. (:

2010-06-13T23:18:00.003+08:00

I miss how you like to stroke and kiss my hair. I miss how you'll kiss me on my forehead. I miss how you'll hug me tight and tell me that you'll miss me. I miss you hugging me from behind and making me laugh. I miss how you'll tuck my hair behind my ear. I miss falling asleep with you holding my hand. I miss waking up to your handsome face. I miss you writing on my palm. I miss you holding my hand. I miss having you around.

I miss you.

2010-06-13T10:24:00.001+08:00

It'll be a good day today. (:

2010-06-12T03:05:00.002+08:00

I know you're reading this.

I have a million things to say to you (more of ABOUT you, actually) but none of them are good. You are easily the worst person I've ever met.

I was pretty dumb to have given in to you so often and treating you genuinely with all my heart when you only cared about your own benefits. I had a whole lot of people telling me to give up on the friendship but i stubbornly held on because I kept lying to myself that you cared. Well, eventually it all fell apart...but you know what? I'm glad it did.

I finally came to see the kind of person you really are. How selfish, self-conceited, vain and utterly utterly stupid you are. I'm usually pretty patient, but your stupidity astounds me. Actually, it's how you behave like you were the prettiest/smartest and that the whole world owes you a living when you were so ignorant that made me so disgusted with you. I probably won't ever forget the absolutely retarded and ignorant comments you've made regarding some issues (well, they're pretty nice jokes to tell to others).

I regretted ever helping you. In school/projects, you were nothing but a leech. You fed on our hardwork and returned our favour with slipshod work. Well, even when it comes to your OWN individual work, you behaved as if i was obliged to help you check and correct your work and you took advantage of that. You couldn't be bothered to do your own work well because you knew i would help you check and point out any points you've left behind. The worst part was when you merely copied and pasted my suggestions to you.

You refuse to listen attentively in class and chose to watch drama serials/ sleep or facebook instead. You refuse to read up on assignment descriptors so you barely had anything to contribute constructive to our project work. Well, you didn't even know what we were suppose to do for our project the day before our submission. We tried our best to accomodate you..but when you found out that your work wasn't constructive, you turned hostile instead of apologetic. You lashed out at us and said we can't blame you for not knowing what to do. You behaved as if it was our fault even though we always have to redo your part JUST FOR YOU. Isn't it ridiculous how you can blame us for everything despite our efforts to make things right?

I hate how you're too stupid to think of others, to think properly of your future or just too stupid to behave less like a leech/slut/bitch. You only cared about yourself, you pointed fingers at everyone else but yourself.. I do get upset with some people too, but never as much as this incident and you know it yourself. You know how I always try my best to resolve the situations calmly and as diplomatically as possible so you should know the extent you've gone to make me blow up like that.

I won't say that I'm over it because I'm really not. Every single time when i think about all the time and effort i've wasted on someone like you, I feel angry. You may call me petty, but I tell you.. i find it hard to let it go because of how much effort and heart i've put into this friendship. I wouldn't have bothered if it wasn't someone who used to be important to me. I'm angry because you weren't apologetic to us despite the shit you've thrown us into during our project work. I'm angry because you treated it like dirt. I hate how it still affects me even though it shouldn't.

Now that I've pretty much said most of it and vented most of my anger, I want to start to let it go.

2010-06-12T01:54:00.003+08:00

WOOOTTTTTT tonight I graduated from the Beginner class! :D I'm moving on to the Intermediate class next week! :D Such a pity that i'll miss lessons for 3 weeks because I'm heading out to Taiwan and then to Terengganu the day after I come back from Taiwan.

I'm meeting up with Belle to discuss our itinerary for our 5day4night Taiwan trip. We'll be heading down to either one of the 2 amazing theme parks, Leofoo or Janfusan! Or if time allows, we may even head to both. :D AND FU FEN PU + massages + spa + endless shopping + endless famous street food! I can't wait for Taiwan! :D

Terangganu will be so exciting too. :D Other than turtle conservation (yayyyyy releasing amazingly adorable baby turtles out to the sea!), we'll be giving basic english lessons to the children there and helping to renovate the houses of some of the villages. We'll be cycling everywhere we go since it's our only mean of transport AND Sijie has mentioned that the villagers cook amazing seafood feasts!

ANDDDDDDDDD we'll be heading to Redang for the last 3 days of our 2weeks of Project Orion! :D It'll be our leisure getaway and I can't wait to step on the beautiful island and explore their beaches!

It's amazing how i'll suddenly be travelling to so many different places within such a short period of time.. But I'm thrilled because I've always wanted to go travelling! YAYYYYYYYYYY.

And YAYYYYY because it's about 4 weeks more before Darling's back! :D

2010-06-10T02:28:00.001+08:00

Please. Please. Live on strong for us. You can't leave us too

2010-06-09T02:25:00.003+08:00

I REALLLYYYYYY need to meet up with some people soon but my work schedule is making it so so so hard. I have like.. 1 day off in a week and I usually take that day off for Guides or other events. It's not like an office job when i get to meet others for dinner. I get working hours like 0900h to 2100h or even 1230h to 0000h sometimes. HOW DO I MEET UP WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT?!

Now that the park is opened till 2200h from Thursday to Sundays due to school holidays, i have been scheduled to work till even later even I'm also located to the Hollywood Zone.

Wanting to meet up with more people = lesser working days = lesser pay and I can't do that because I'm paying for my own bills now. I have a study loan to pay off too. Maybe i just need to get a proper office job during this period of time and get a stable pay. hmmmm

2010-06-07T02:08:00.003+08:00

I WANT A GOOD CAMERA. But a DSLR's rather bulky and it's not very practical. I shall wait till I have a more stable job and income before investing in something like that. THEN, i will go for a photography or read up more on it. I really don't want to be just another 'rich' teenager (if im still one) walking around with a DSLR around their necks but take crap photos. DSLRs are MADE to take good photographs but if a person doesn't know how to utilise the functions or understand angles etc, the quality may turn out worse than those taken with a compact. I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THEM. Those people just buy them for the sake of buying and think they look ultra pro when their photos are like crap.

And since i'm not pro, I'm going for a semi-pro camera instead. The Lx-3 has been highly raved but my sister has gotten it already. I don't know if i want to get the same camera or opt for another one instead.. But i love the LX-3 so far and i dont know if the S90 can do its job as well. :( Maybe i'll check more reviews before deciding.. i don't want to toss away $800 for something that I'm not satisfied with.

Sis's away at Boracay! Boracay's such a beautiful place! I want to visit there too before tourists ruin that place. :( It usually happens when a place's too publicised. Just look at what has become of Tioman now.. It used to be such a beautiful place.

GOT.TO.SAVE.UP.MORE.

2010-06-07T01:39:00.002+08:00

I haven't really been a person who saves up much because I usually squander off my allowance or pay within weeks. BUTTTTTT, that has changed! I've actually accumulated quite a bit of savings despite not cutting down on shopping or the usual pampering. I guess I've just learnt how to better manage my money instead of spending blindly. (:

Ting and I are planning a short getaway to somewhere near.. probably to KL! Just a short getaway for some shopping + spa + facial etc. We're going to rope Kim in too! :D It should be sometime in July after I come back from Taiwan + Terangganu. :D

So I've set aside money for my camera, Taiwan trip, Terangganu + Redang trip, renewal of class fees too! :D That's quite a feat considering how I use to spend like crazy.. my camera's not going to be cheap and I've 2 classes to support now. It's crazy but I'm still managing fine so far. I'm going to save up to go overseas with Darling too, hopefully! :D

Well Darling and I are saving up for something else too....let's hope I keep this habit going well, preferably at least for years to come. :D

2010-06-04T00:31:00.002+08:00

"you are so beautiful to me
you are so beautiful to me
can't you see?
YOU'RE EVERYTHING I HOPE FOR
YOU'RE EVERYTHING I NEED
you are so beautiful.. to me.."

2010-06-01T02:47:00.002+08:00

I'm happy tonight, because I know tonight you'll go to sleep feeling happy. :)

Tomorrow marks the first week of your 3rd ship. I know this week has been an extremely tough one, probably even tougher than your previous weeks spent on the other ships. But you've made it through, and I'm extremely proud of you. 6 more weeks till victory comes and you know you deserve every bit of glory, pride and respect that you'll get in return. Not everyone can do that but you did. You survived it when the others can't and you survived well. Be proud of yourself. (:

6 more weeks.. Definitely nothing compared to the 6 torturous months we went through, but difficult nonetheless. But we'll get through it together, won't we? In 6 weeks, we will be reunited again and all the torturous times will be behind us. (:

Jiayou Darling! (:

Graduation!

2010-05-30T21:55:00.007+08:00

So.. I've officially graduated. 3 years of hard work, 10 seconds of fame.

Last Monday, I met up with Ting as early as 0700h to have breakfast at KAP before heading down to school together. I felt..weird stepping into the school again. It was the school I've been attending for 3 years but I've never ever felt a sense of belonging to it. It was not like secondary school times, where the campus is small and everyone has probably seen everyone before. Back then, i used to love staying back in school with friends. But when I entered Poly, i only stayed back during the times when we have to mug or rush through projects. I do not feel sad leaving the school. Rather, it was a sense of relief, of slight satisfaction that I've completed another phase of my life.

We were ushered into our respective meeting rooms and the ushers were so fierce HAHA. Throughout the 20 minutes we were there, they just kept repeating (in a rather harsh tone), for us to wear our gowns (even though we were ALL in our gowns already), and for us to take our tags (and we ALL had that already too).

We were all in different LTs in the Convention Centre, waiting for the Graduand Procession to start. When we finally proceeded to the room, I thought... "Ohhhhh this is how it's like." I looked around for my family but there were too many people around.

Ting, Kim and I secretly sneaked out to meet up HAAH and we realised that many others did that too. But we soon returned to the threatre and the ceremony started. We had to sing the National Anthem and i thought it was rather funny (but of course I wasn't laughing lahhhh) because we never had to sing during school.

We went up to the stage in a really orderly manner and when I stood in the middle of the stage, waiting for my name to be called.. I just kept thinking:

"This is it. I'm finally graduating after 3 years of hard work."

When my name was called, I walked over calmly, trying my best not to trip over anything and look stupid in front of 1000 people, held my hand out to shake the Director's hand and my heart was screaming "OMG IM GRADUATING". I calmly turned over to smile at the camera and then proceeded to go down the stage.

Except that I walked around the wrong flight of steps and went in the wrong direction. 5 seconds of embarrassment. Zzzz. -.- The usher at the exit had to run to get me and I had to run to the exit because I was too embarrassed. Zzz.

Luckily everyone else was too focused on those receiving their scrolls and weren't looking at those who were exiting the stage. :D

So well, we had the little reception and all the usual photo-taking! (: Ma, sis and Darling came for my graduation and I know Ma was extremely proud of me. :)

Ma was super excited about taking a photograph with Darling and I and she insisted on standing the middle despite Sis complaining about her being a 'lightbulb'. HAHA.
The prettiest Aqilah and cutest Saleha! They are some of the truest and most sincere friends I've ever seen and I'm glad I've met them. (:
MY BESTEST BESTEST FRIENDS! My darlings who went through the 3 years of hardship with me, slogging our guts out together for all of our projects and I'm glad we held on strong even though there were hiccups along the way. (:
DARLING! Who had always been there for me even when he was out sailing. Always willing to listen to my grumbles. (: There were countless times when he would stay up late with me because I had to do work. He couldn't help me with my work so he would try his best to be supportive in all other ways. I love the days when he would come to pick me up after school, love how we will go home together, love how he'll carry my laptop for me and I love how he picked me up at my attachment centre during the days when he was onshore. (:So it's finally all over.

There are times during the 3 years when I've felt that I've chosen the wrong course but now I'm glad i eventually stuck to my decision. We may not be respected because many people still have the wrong impressions that Early Childhood Educators are merely there to look after kids, but I believe that we are the ones who build the foundation of a child's learning and we are the ones who will instill the first moral values in a child. I'm proud of what we do and I'll continue to stay in the line.

I've officially left a school that I feel no attachment to but it's a place where I spent some of the best times of my life and also the place where I've met some of the bestest friends that I now have. I left with beautiful memories, valuable experiences and the most meaningful teachings etched in my heart.

Goodbye Ngee Ann. I'm now ready to take on a new challenge and start a new phase of my life. (:

2010-05-29T01:45:00.002+08:00

Watching the show reminds me so much of us. :(

I'm sorry that I'm unable to take off for tomorrow.. :( I wish i can hear your voice right now..

2010-05-26T00:57:00.003+08:00

Why does these 2 months seem so difficult to get pass out of a sudden?

Darling just called me after he woke up to tell me that he'll only report to work at 0600h. And he just went back to sleep again. We were both reluctant to hang up but since he has to wake up so early, we eventually did. My heart aches to know that he has to go through this all over again but it aches even more to know that there is nothing much I can do to help him except to comfort him through the phone when he calls. If i could, I would go onboard with him even if it means having extreme seasickness, having to work, having to tolerate not being able to go anywhere else etc. I may not truly understand how difficult it is to be onboard, but it wouldn't be so bad if at the end of the day, he comes back into the cabin and I'm able to hold his hands and soothe away his pain...right?

2010-05-25T22:46:00.001+08:00

I hope you're sleeping well.. Wish you were here beside me to pat me to sleep..

2010-05-25T22:23:00.002+08:00

This is the 3rd time you're leaving for ship. The first time was more than a year ago, on 31st March. I remember how I used to whine so much about it even before it all started. And when it did, i felt vulnerable, lost and all miserable because I've grown so dependent on you.

4 months went by for your 1st ship. When you came back, it felt like everything became perfect and I was whole again. The 2nd time was longer - 6 months. It felt a whole lot longer than the 1st, even though I was beginning to cope better. It was still a torture especially during times when I was down, because you used to be there for me all the time.

10 months of sailing have gone by just like that.. I've become much more independent. It's amazing how we have gone through all these and still stayed firm for our relationship.

This is the last stretch. 2 more months.. What's 2 months to us after all we've been through? It will pass by in a blink of an eye..

Please take care of yourself Darling..

I'll see you 2 months later.. :)

2010-05-21T13:40:00.002+08:00

Tonight my heart broke in the worst ways imaginable but it's amazing how it managed to heal so quickly with just a simple statement. Isn't it funny how we are hurt, broken and torn so viciously all the time but we still throw ourselves in without inhabitations? Love gives you the most beautiful memories but gives you the worst heartbreaks too.

Love works in such mysterious ways.

2010-05-20T12:11:00.002+08:00

Today's my off-day! :D

Going back to BP for the Tea Appreciation Lunch for leaders in uniformed groups. :D

2010-05-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

We'll say goodbye soon.

2010-05-16T10:23:00.002+08:00

6.1/2002 BBQ was awesome! :D It's always great fun out with them . :D It's amazing how we've all grown up after these 8 years. It's no longer primary school teasing like "Eh you like ****** right!!!!". Now we talk about University life, NS, and pretty much other adult talk. We talked about all the crazy/stupid stuff that we used to do and had so much fun laughing about it. Such wonderful memories.

6.1/2002 - we're still best batch/class so far from Corporation Primary! hahaha

Quote of the day - "If I'm pretty, then your dick is long." HAHA shit.

2010-05-15T02:26:00.002+08:00

I'm happy today because good things have been happening during work recently! :D I love my job, i love the environment and i love love love the people around me. They make me happy all the time. <3

Tml's my off-day and Darling's coming over!

OH! Toy museum trip+amk trip was a successssssssssssss, i think. (: Love the days spent with Darling. (:

It kind of sucks that it's 2 months away to our 3rd Anniversary but most probably he'll be out at sea. :( Sucksssss but well, every single day is special when I spend it with him, isn't it? :)

<3

HELLO TING AND KIM, I NEED TO SEE YOU ALL.

2010-05-13T00:54:00.002+08:00

So our picnic at Botanic Gardens wasn't really a picnic because it rained and we couldn't get near to the 5-bucks tree because the area was cordoned off due to some concert set-up. :( BUT, we still found a place to settle down after the rain and our tuna+biscuits and some chocobanana sandwiches that I love! :D

We didn't take many photos.. but I really enjoyed myself because it was a day well-spent with Darling. (: We walked around a lot, explored quite a bit of Botanic Gardens (i THINK we did) and i observed how squirrels look for food/water HAHAHA.

I'll be uploading SOME photos soon!

But i'll only upload them after we visit the toy museum! :D I'm so excited about it because i hear that it's awesome! :D My off-day tomorrow will be spent with Darling again exploring placesssss :D :D :D

2010-05-11T02:05:00.002+08:00

I AM GOING TO TAIWAN IN JUNE!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I've never been to any other country other than Malaysia! Which is really pathetic, i know, considering that all my other family members have been to Hong Kong, Macau, Thailand etc.. My sister's going to Hong Kong for her graduation trip and Kor's going to Japan!

And now im saving up for my Taiwan trip, camera and the SWA Project Orion II! I'm super excited for the month of June! :D

I wish Darling could go with me too :( But it's okay.. we'll save up for our own trip right? :D

2010-05-11T01:59:00.001+08:00

Work was great as usual. :D Going out with Darling tomorrow! :D CAN'T WAIT.

2010-05-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

It's the start of a new week and I've got more working days coming up.. To make up for not spending more time with Darling, I've got a little trip planned for us on Tuesday on my off-day! :D

And..

I'M GOING TO TAIWAN FROM 21ST to 25TH JUNE! :D Right after that would be the voluntary project trip to Terrenganu for 2 weeks! YAY :D

2010-05-07T00:18:00.001+08:00

I haven't been seeing Darling very often because of my work/camp/chalet etc. :( But we caught Ip Man 2 and Iron Man 2 together on the same day. It's like, they come together. Haha.

I miss you. :(

2010-05-05T01:22:00.001+08:00

Sorry. It's not the same anymore.

2010-05-05T00:27:00.003+08:00

Today, my heart broke when I heard the terrible news. How did something so beautiful turn into something like that? Why do people behave this way? Why hurt each other? Why do they always point the finger at the other party first?

It's such a wonder how people whine about the smallest things when others are experiencing something so much worse.

Something about what he said to me was so heartwrenching. It wasn't anything much.. but just the way he turns around to encourage me despite going such shit himself.... Well, teenagers whine like "I put on a facade blahblahblah" all the time, but it's so obvious that when they say such stuff, they obviously want people to realise the 'facade'. But this is different. He really doesn't want us to know the pain that he's going through. And i really really admire his courage and strength.

I wish something like that haven't happened. I wish everyone were still happy and loving. I wish nobody has to go through such suffering.

I hope things get better.

2010-05-01T12:36:00.001+08:00

I just came back from the intertidal shore walk at St John's Island. I was initially relieved to know that we have an hour of break to rest and shower before the lectures + programme planning starts..but now i wished i didn't have the break. I wish there is something to occupy me now instead of sitting around alone in this room and thinking about things that i shouldn't be thinking about.

2010-05-01T12:35:00.001+08:00

Yes I am. Extremely.

2010-05-01T12:15:00.001+08:00

Maybe I've made the wrong choice. Maybe i should have just listened to the others. Maybe "just follow your heart" is the stupidest advice ever.

2010-04-29T22:33:00.000+08:00

Never apologize for acting on your instincts. Listening to your body – then taking action on what you hear – is the hallmark of heroic people.
Never apologize for all the tears you’ve cried. Crying cleanses the soul. Shoot for once a month. Even if it’s just a brief mist at a tender moment in a sad movie.
Never apologize for anything in your portfolio. If you feel the need to do so, it probably doesn’t belong in your portfolio in the first place.
Never apologize for asking for what you need. The answer to every question you DON’T ask is always no.
Never apologize for asking questions. When you stop asking questions, you don’t just run out of answers – you run out of hope.
Never apologize for asserting yourself. The word “assert” comes from the Latin asserere, which means, “to claim, maintain or affirm.” And that’s exactly what you’re entitled to: Your opinion. Your belief. Your say. Let nobody take it away from you.
Never apologize for being a health nut. Next time someone says, “What are you, on a diet or something?” look them straight in the eye and say, “Yeah – you got a problem with that?” Then, when they back down, you go right back to eating your tofu.
Never apologize for being a newbie. Everyone great chess master was once a beginner.
Never apologize for being early for an appointment. In the history of Corporate America, no employee has ever been fired for consistently arriving ten minutes early to every meeting.
Never apologize for being funny. The world is too damn serious. We need you. Seriously.
Never apologize for being human. Once you do, you’re no longer human – you’re a cyborg.
Never apologize for being passionate. Unless you’re passionate about stabbing strangers with broken Coke bottles.
Never apologize for being smart. That’s the ONE thing the government, the media (and every other entity that’s trying to control you) is terrified of: Smart people who take action. Be one of those people.
Never apologize for being the age that you are. It’s just a number. “A chicken ain’t nothing but a bird,” as my Grandpa likes to say.
Never apologize for breaking a rule that isn’t really a rule. Be proud of yourself for being a rule breaker. Then go break another one.
Never apologize for calling bullshit on someone. Especially when nobody else is the room is going to do it and this person REALLY needs to be taken to task.
Never apologize for demanding respect. If you’ve demonstrated that you deserve respect by giving it to others first, you’re good to go.
Never apologize for disagreeing. Especially if you do so respectfully. On the other hand, if you’re disagreeing for the sake of disagreeing, or because of your pathological need to be right, that’s a different story.
Never apologize for expressing yourself. That’s all “leadership” is: The full, free expression of your truth. Don’t say you’re sorry for that.
Never apologize for falling in love. Your heart’s calling the shots.
Never apologize for falling OUT of love. Your heart’s still calling the shots – even when you throw up an air ball.
Never apologize for getting something off your chest. That which you suppress will find a home in your body. And then it will trash the place.
Never apologize for giving it your best shot. As my Grandpa also reminds me, “You do the best you can with as many as you can.”
Never apologize for growing up privileged. As long as you scrap the entitlement attitude, remain grateful for everything you’ve ever been given and respect the life situation of those who are less fortunate, it’s all good.
Never apologize for having an overabundance of love in your life. Instead, circulate what you’ve got. Pay it forward. Share it. People need it. Especially St. Louis Rams fans. God we suck.
Never apologize for lack of experience. Instead, share your Learning Plan; demonstrate your dedication to lifelong learning and practice becoming the world’s expert at learning from your experiences.
Never apologize for lack of information. Ignorance is acceptable. Staying ignorant, however, is stupid.
Never apologize for liking stupid movies. Movie snobs annoy me. Some of my favorite movies are among the most ridiculous films ever made. So I love Road House. Sue me.
Never apologize for living your truth. Few things in the world are more important.
Never apologize for looking out for yourself. Self-preservation is a primary driver of human behavior. It’s how we’re wired.
Never apologize for loving yourself. If you do, you probably don’t love yourself as much as you thought.
Never apologize for making a decision from the heart. Remember: It’s not thee truth – it’s YOUR truth.
Never apologize for needing alone time. Solitude is soil. Solitude is medicine. And if you don’t get your fix every day, your life will suffer.
Never apologize for needing to use the bathroom. Yesterday a girl in my yoga class walked out of the room and actually said to the teacher, “I have to pee, I’m SO sorry.” Unbelievable.
Never apologize for not being there when someone called. You have a life, too. People can’t expect you to wait eagerly by the phone all hours of the day.
Never apologize for not embracing someone else’s agenda. Especially if that agenda robs you of your true talent.
Never apologize for occasional absentmindedness. Everyone’s brain farts.

Well, do you agree with all these?

2010-04-28T10:50:00.003+08:00

It's work today from 1330h to 2000h again! Today's at Madagascar so I'm preparing to return home all sunburnt.

Tomorrow's my off-day and I'm heading to kbox with Xianyao, Junjie and Pei En! :D AND, BROWN DERBY MINI OUTING TO HOLLAND VILLAGE FOR XIAO LONG BAO BUFFET! :D <3

:D

okay off to do some housework then off to work! :D

2010-04-26T06:18:00.002+08:00

Hi, it's 0619h now and I've just finished showering. I'm waiting for my phone to charge before I can go out.. I feel like lying on my bed again because it looks REALLY inviting now.

I would have overslept if Darling didn't give me a morning call today. :) ANDDDDD he's coming to pick me up after work too! :D :D YAY at least something to look forward to!

2010-04-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

HELLO TING AND KIM, I MISS YOU ALL. :( CAN WE PLEASE GO OUT SOON? :(

2010-04-25T23:56:00.002+08:00

I've been REALLLYYYYYYY busy recently so I haven't been blogging. I feel too lazy to upload photos too because Blogger's photo-uploading sucks. Why can't Iphoto connect to Blogger too?! That would make it so much easier.

So... Darling got 'cheated'. He's not going onboard (yet) so that would mean i have a bit more time to spend with him..

But it's work from this coming Monday to Wednesday (26th to 28th April), 0800h to 2000h,
SWA workshop/camp from 30th April to 2nd May,
then work from Monday to Wednesday (3rd to 5th May) again
ANDDDDDDDD class chalet from 7th May to 9th May.
GSM on 8th May too.

That means i barely have time to spend with him. :( A part of me wants him to quickly join the vessel so that he gets it over and done and be back by July to celebrate our 3rd Anniversary, but I just do not like the idea of him sailing off again. :(

Ahhhhhh this sucks.

2010-04-24T01:22:00.000+08:00

I need something new.

2010-04-16T12:37:00.002+08:00

Much as I hate to see you go off again so fast, I know it'll be better if you get your shipboard placement over and done with. It's a tough decision.. but i know i have to accept it.

I'll miss you badly again. 2 more months..

2010-04-15T01:53:00.002+08:00

awwwww. :)

2010-04-14T03:10:00.003+08:00

I bought something retarded and redundant today. I was so disappointed with it but lying down with Darling by my side, holding his hand and just talking about nonsense while staring at the 4 walls full of fake stars.. It kind of made up for it.

:)

2010-04-12T12:14:00.001+08:00

Graduation's on 24th May! :D

2010-04-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

2010-04-11T01:11:00.002+08:00

So..

I can finally talk about Darling's return. He wanted it to be a surprise for the Scouts but I wanted to turn it the other way round and got them to surprise him instead. I think he still managed to surprise them though (with his hair + moustache) they knew that he was back.

Okay so on Monday 5th April, I went home after a tiring day of work. I saw him the moment i opened my door because apparently my sister let him in. It was a moment of.. confusion, relief, happiness and everything. I just know that I couldn't react for a while and just slumped against my door.

It's really hard to describe how I really felt then. For a moment he felt a little foreign to me since I haven't seen him for 6 months afterall.. but it all came back after a while and it really really feels amazing to have someone look at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes. I knew i had so much to say but I couldn't remember any and I just kept choking back on my tears.

It still didn't feel real until he reached over for my hand and gave my hand a little squeeze. It was.. I really don't know how to describe it. It was just an amazing feeling. (:

I really don't know how long he'll be back for, but for now, everything's perfect. (:

2010-04-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

It's funny how time loves to play with us.

2010-04-11T00:46:00.002+08:00

Zac got a last minute notice to sail off last night. He was supposed to take a 2000h flight and he was only informed by 1400h.

That really sucked because he was barely prepared and he couldn't even get to see his parents before going off. We rushed around with him to different places and sent him off at the airport. When he was going off, Darling was saying that he would be the only one who understood how Zac really felt when he walked through the departure gate. I agree with that too.

No one else can possibly understand how they feel to have to go onboard a ship, work there for months, eat the same food everyday, cut off from the rest of the world, do the same shit everyday and yet hardly get proper rest. It's not even like getting a shitty job back in Singapore or something, because at the end of the day you still get to go home. But for those sailors? They are still stuck onboard that ship. They have to face the same group of people whether they like it a not. There isn't really a proper place to 'escape' to if they really need a break. Yes I complain about not being able to see Darling for those 6 months, but what he has to go through is so much more.

I can say that it's tough waiting.. I can even tell others about some of the jobs that sailors have to do onboard..but I'll never truly understand how it REALLY REALLY feels like. That kind of loneliness is indescribable. And when Zac walked through that gate, my heart ached for him because I know it's going to be tough.

Darling's back, but he has to go off for another 2 more months soon. 2 more months is so much shorter than the previous 6 months that I've waited, but I still dread it. Well..better to treasure this period of time then..

Off to sleep.

2010-04-08T01:15:00.001+08:00

I just came back after 13hours of work from 0800h to 2100h. I love the environment and I love working there despite the hot sun. I'm still not really tired though.. But still, got to go sleep early. I've got to wake up early to run some errands before heading back to Guides. (:

2010-04-04T23:46:00.001+08:00

NOT GOING TO SLEEP BY 0000H AFTER ALL. HAHAHAHA

2010-04-04T22:10:00.003+08:00

Okay so i've been staring into blank space for a very long period of time, not knowing what I should be doing online now. I'm going to go offline now and go find some housework to do or something. THEN I WILL SLEEP BY 0000H. YES I WILL.

Time check: 2211h

2010-04-04T22:05:00.001+08:00

I feel this.. very odd and naggy feeling in my heart now. Like i'm forgetting something or I should be doing something now..

:( Need to sleep..

2010-04-04T21:35:00.002+08:00

Just came back from the camp! :D It rained almost throughout the entire camp but i guess everyone made the best out of it. (:

There's work tomorrow from 1200h to 2000h and then it'll be 0800h to 2000h of work for Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday! ZZZZZZZ. It's going to be really tiring but... FOR THE MONEYYYYYYYY.

2010-04-02T00:41:00.003+08:00

MUSCLE ACHES. :(

Pre-prom was really fun with Ting at Christine's place.. Prom was alright (though i pretty much zi-high with the people at my table) and post-prom at Zirca/Zouk was crazy. I spent most of the night helping to take care of a few drunk people and I had fun making others laugh at what I said to those drunk people HAHA.

I slept in late today, woke up to check my mails, packed my room, went for job training and then back home to rest again because I was running a little fever due to my sore throat. The Snow White and 7 Dwarves that Lulu ordered for me last night probably ruined my throat and it was a realllyyyyy bad-tasting drink. That drink didn't kill me (I mean, didn't get me drunk) but it tasted so so so bad.

Camp's on Saturday and then there's the photoshoot for the centenary book too and i have a feeling i'll look really bad on it. Mannnnn.

Will be working A LOT from next week onwards, juggling between 2 part-time (and really exhausting) jobs but I'm trying to plan my time as efficiently as possible.

Speaking of that, I should be sleeping now. Probably going for a phototrip/movie tomorrow wooooooooot.

2010-04-01T05:31:00.001+08:00

YES I HAVE BREATHABLE SKIN AGAIN. YAY. TIME TO SLEEP

2010-04-01T05:15:00.001+08:00

0515h. I just came back from post-prom. I should be sleeping.. Actually, removing makeup first but I feel super nuah and lazy.. NEED TO SLEEP, THERE'S WORK TRAINING TML.

2010-04-01T04:42:00.000+08:00

If you knew what i did, you probably won't ever forgive me.

.estheliol.lle.+.estheliol.amin.

Rest in peace, Ah Ma..

"you are so beautiful to meyou are so beautiful to mecan't you see?YOU'RE EVERYTHING I HOPE FORYOU'RE EVERYTHING I NEEDyou are so beautiful.. to me.."

Graduation!

"you are so beautiful to me
you are so beautiful to me
can't you see?
YOU'RE EVERYTHING I HOPE FOR
YOU'RE EVERYTHING I NEED
you are so beautiful.. to me.."